This month it's my turn on One Little Word and I chose the word FEAR. Fear is such a strong word and it had such a strong grip on me for years. HAD. Yes. Past tense. HAD. No longer.
It took me 39 years, but for the first time in my life, I'm not being controlled by fear(s). I’ve built up so many fears from my traumatic childhood. Fear on the street, fear in the dark, fear alone at home. Fear that something would happen with the kids. Fear built up by living in an unsafe environment during my childhood. Fear helped me through rough times. Fear is what I needed at the time to survive - but it doesn't serve me anymore. It’s useless. Worse - it's slowing me down - it bothers me now in my life. Finally, by working my ass off with emdr-therapy I’ve been able to make it stop. To end it. All by myself. And that's tough. I LIVE again. Free from FEAR.
Some of you who personally know me, know I had a crappy childhood. Some of you don't. People who meet me for the first time, or read my blog for the first time, think I must be a happy chick doing fun stuff she loves. That’s true. But there's a long road, a horrible journey that brought me to where I am now. It’s not the crappy childhood that made me stronger. It’s how I dealt with it. How I chose not to be a victim. How I chose not to give up. How I chose not to take the easy way out. I’ve always chosen to fight. Fight for my rights. Fight for love. Fight for a good life. I'm not afraid to stand up and say, “Hey, look at me now!” I've had a horrible childhood with abuse (yes, of all kinds), but I’ve taken care of myself since the age of 16. Nobody but me is to thank for that. I chose to run away from that house. I don’t call it home - it simply wasn’t a home to me. I chose Arjan early on. I just knew he was the best for me, and I was to him. And my instinct was right.
To all of you who live in fear right now – think, chose. Chose you. Chose life. Get help. Do not be ashamed of whatever is happened to you - as a child or as an adult. YOU are not a victim. You can make it chance. You can live happy and you deserve to live happy. If I can make it to a happy life, anybody can make it to a happy life.
Life is good. I love you. That's a start :)
Congratulations Tracy Woodsford! You won the random drawing for last months Word Up Challenge: LOST. Email MediaDirector@RondaPalazzari.com your address so we can mail you your prize!
If you want to play along and create something using this word up, please share a link at the bottom of this post with the inlinkz button. Please leave a link to a specific blog post or image on flickr, rather than a general url. Online galleries work too! We look forward to seeing what you create (art journal, scrapbook page, mini album, etc). A winner will be selected at random from the pool of submissions at the end of the month. We will leave the link open until October 13th! The random drawing winner will be announced on October 15th!